Hands gently grazed him on either arm and slid up to rest on shoulders, thumbs lightly digging into the tense muscle below. His back to the door, Sato didn’t notice his sister come into the kitchen and stand behind him until he felt her touch.
“I’m sorry we kind of ganged up on you out there,” she apologized. “Part of it is just being tired of Dad griping about you even when you’re not around, like we could make some miracle happen. The rest of it… we’re only worried about you.”
“Yeah, well, fuck you, too.”
The hands slipped away and Sato stared at the facet cuts in the glass he held up before him as Mary moved to sit at the table. In the sunlight coming through the window, they picked up the deep burgundy of the wine and reflected it back in shades of magenta and fuchsia — the way the diamond did, the color of the ruby on the necklace warmed against his mother’s skin.
“Look, I know what you do with your life is none of our business, really, but… “
“Got that right,” Sato interrupted her and took a drink. “I don’t tell you guys what to do and if anyone has some rightful place to comment on how you and Ken live your lives, it’s me… the eldest brother.” He looked over at Mary at last, a scowl etched deeply on his face. “But I didn’t want to play that game. I still don’t. It’s medieval.”
“You don’t have to provoke him.”
“I don’t. He starts it even when he just sits there. When he does open his mouth, I tell him the truth because I’m not clever enough to lie to him and get away with it. Besides, with the way he views my life, I’d never be able to keep up with all of what I had told him and he’s got a memory as dependable as one of Ken’s computers… maybe even better.” Sato took another sip of the wine, wishing he could get really drunk, and chuckled. “There’s a lot he doesn’t know about me. And I won’t tell him unless he drags it out into the open because I know what I’d get… I’m an idealistic fool who can’t do anything right. It’s not worth the extra grief.”
Mary held her peace, taking the time to pour herself some of the wine and cut it with ginger ale. There’d been a secretive side to her brother even when they were still children, made worse once he’d graduated to being in his own room and yet again as soon as he’d been able to drive. Moving to Los Angeles had been the ultimate in closing them off to what he was doing. She’d always put it down to the inevitabilities of certain facts: he was a guy and she was a girl, the difference in years between him and Ken, and just the simple reason he was something of a black sheep in the family. He could very easily be living a double life for all she knew of his world on the coast.
She suddenly snickered, trying to imagine her scholarly brother being a drug dealer or a con artist or some other underworld type. He just didn’t fit the picture, but then it would be the perfect cover, she thought.
“I’m glad someone finds some humor in all this,” Sato mumbled over his glass.
“It’s not that,” she assured him. “I was just thinking on what you said about Dad not knowing everything about you… trying to think of you doing something really immoral or illegal.” She laughed this time and shook her head. “I just can’t see it.”
Sato could see her point and grinned mischievously. “Yeah, I run drugs from the Orient out of the port of Los Angeles, actually have several wives and an unknown number of children, and Ken doesn’t realize that I’m the sugar daddy to a stable of young studs. The college is just my base of operation.” He drank down the last of his wine and went for more, feeling a little lighter thanks to the first glass and Mary’s warped imagination. “I mean, who in their right mind would actually teach English Lit and how else could I afford to live in southern California?” He snorted at that, nearly spilling wine as he poured. “The apartment Paula and I live in is a great front to hide how much money I actually make. Of course, she’s just my moll and that’s why we haven’t married.”
Mary just smiled, her eyes following him across the kitchen back to his seat. “You know,” she said as he took a drink from the refilled glass, “sometime you should tell Dad that.”
His eyes grew large over the rim of the glass and he hastily set it down. “Didn’t you just now chastise me about provoking him?”
“That’s reality. Maybe it would put some perspective on it for him if you told him such a crazy story… let him in on what you could be doing instead of being an upstanding citizen and teacher and boyfriend.”
“What crazy story is this,” a voice inquired from the doorway. Ken noted the color of the liquid in his siblings’ glasses and chuckled to himself. Depending on how much of it his brother had had and given his vivid imagination, almost anything was possible. He listened as Mary recounted Sato’s little scenario while he poured himself some of the wine.
“Trying to give the old man a heart attack?” Ken commented, taking the chair on the other side of his brother. “Just one of those sidelines would be enough to shock him.”
“He needs a good shocking,” Sato replied. “Something… anything… to get him to release his steel grip on me and accept me on my own terms as just his son.”
“Might as well ask the sun to stop shining,” Mary sighed. “Or a blizzard to hit Phoenix in June,” she added with a smile.
He’d seen strange things happen in his short lifetime, but Sato was inclined to agree only too much with his sister’s estimation of the situation, although the suggestion of fabricating some kind of other life for himself was gaining a certain appeal, if only to see his father’s immediate reaction. A little more wine and he’d probably be able to come up with a good one, but the chance had already been spoiled by the earlier argument. Nothing would move his father this trip, not even if he were to make the potential sacrifice of his pride by telling him he was planning on proposing to Paula. No matter how brilliantly the diamonds in the ring sparkled, his father would find something to dispel the happiness of the moment.
“You really didn’t mean what you said out there,” Sato broke into the lull, glancing over to his brother. “About not liking the way I live my life?”
Ken sighed. “Live however you want, but I know at least I wish you’d give some thought to what Mary and I go through when you fight any suggestion you might not be right about something.”
“Oh, come on,” Sato complained and fidgeted in the chair, finally settling into a sideways position with his arm along its back. “Name me one thing he’s ever given me credit for in front of you guys.” When the answer was silence, he chortled. “You can’t. If I have to suffer, you’re suffering right along with me. Isn’t that what family does… stick together? At the very least, I deal with it in some fashion, whether it’s going out on idiotic blind dates that are totally pointless or standing some of my ground with Dad. You don’t like it, tough. I don’t like it either.”
He looked over at Ken, tempted to tell him that his own wife had been the sole support back in the living room, willing to show some defiance in favoring him against her formidable father-in-law. Such a simple gesture and it had been both comforting and bold. He mentally filed it away for when he got back to Los Angeles. His credit card could take one more hit and he could count on Paula to know what would be the perfect gift to send her in appreciation for what she’d done.
Before Sato could say anything to further jeopardize the tentative truce between them, Ken spoke up. “Then you’re just going to have to deal with the fact sometimes we’re going to piss you off because we’re tired of hearing the same bullshit year after year.” Ken lifted his glass and raised it to Sato, giving him a sardonic smile. “Nothing personal. It’s just the way it is.”
ooooo
Whether it was because anything was better than the stress of the day or Paula had really been more available to him, Sato couldn’t decide. It didn’t matter, he concluded as he set his cell phone to recharge. The last hour of talking with her in the dark of the night left him feeling at peace.
His sister and mother would’ve said it was because he was going home to her in the morning and, ordinarily, that would have been the case. Not this time. Calm as he was, the anxiety of what lay ahead of him remained foremost in his thoughts, especially now that the day was over. Part of him couldn’t wait. The other was disturbed by how quickly time was ticking by, bringing him closer and closer to the moment.
Sato slipped deeper between the sheets, thankful for the air conditioning that allowed him to bring the covers up to his chin. It had always made him feel safe to cocoon himself in bed, adding to the sense of calm Paula had given him. Burrowing his face into the soft pillow, it didn’t take long to drift into sleep.
ooooo
The car bumped its way at a fast clip, leaving a wake of red dust on old dirt roads that wound around the high desert brush. Anyone who didn’t know the lay of the land would’ve wondered why in so flat an area there would be any need for twists and turns at all.
Then something happened. He felt his body and mind change. The land around him changed, shifting to rock as though he’d taken a turn off the main road and was heading down the side of a mountain. He didn’t have time to think. All at once, he felt himself leap, his evolution complete, understanding he had taken flight. The air whipped by, the force of his increasing speed a pull on his body as he dove headlong towards the canyon floor. A white circle came into view and he realized in an instant that was his target.
He scrunched his eyes, readying himself for the inevitable impact, then gasped. Just short of the earth, he felt himself pushed upward, lifted higher and higher. The sides of the canyon seemed to go on forever as he rode a thermal, softly and slowly rising. They took his breath away with the majesty of their formidable stand against the universe, as though daring anything or anyone to broach their guard. It was no wonder the ancient Indians had sought shelter among them.
Taking its cue from his thought, the image changed; not at once, but slowly… dissolving into a timbered slope. Beyond he could see water, a lake. As he continued to soar, the air current took him past it, to a flat of cleared land and a village. He flew in among its people, feeling peace and contentment… like coming home.
Sato awoke. His eyes opened to darkness, but he blinked them several times anyway. His obsessed scholar’s mind was confused. That hadn’t been a Moqui* village. Nestled in a forest, it was more like something he imagined the eastern Indians inhabiting, like the Cherokee or something.
He sat up and rubbed his eyes, wondering what would ever make him dream about driving up into Indian country on a whim or why the images drawn had been so breathtakingly beautiful to him. Even now, he could feel the power of the sheer canyon walls and the freedom of the flight. He laughed at himself. His Kafkaesque transformation from man into bird should’ve been answer enough for why he’d come upon the wrong tribe, but it would have to be such a trivial detail that would rouse him from the dream.
Looking over at the digital clock brought a frustrated sigh. Outside, the sun was hours away from peeking over the Superstition Mountains and shining over the sleeping city nestled in this once barren valley and he was awake. He reached over and flipped on the lamp then leaned over to pull his backpack closer to the bed. Getting back to sleep was useless now that this day had arrived. Even as he pulled out the thick book he’d brought with him, he knew it held out little hope. Nothing, not even the invincible canyon walls in his dream, could protect him and free his mind of what this new day could bring.
